October 27, 2010

Druids Lament Scarcity of Halloween-Themed Wrapping Paper

Druids in the United States and England took to the streets today to protest a worldwide scarcity of Halloween-themed wrapping paper. The protests, held outside the major wrapping paper manufacturing centers, were held at twilight and attended by serious druids as well as thousands of black cats that wandered into the protests looking for a good time.

Druids complain that when they want to present gifts at Halloween, there is nothing to wrap those gifts in. "I had to wrap my talisman gift in butcher paper," lamented Gus Gildersleeve, a druid since birth. "I mean, Christmas wrapping paper is easy to find, but a good wrapping paper with skulls and gravestones, now that you can't find anywhere. It's tragic, that's what it is."

In a related development, officials at Stonehenge were shocked to find the monument wrapped in St. Patrick's Day wrapping paper. Police say a male druid had wanted to give his sweetheart the ultimate gift, but couldn't find the right wrapping paper.

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