December 7, 2010

Parents Create Santa Claus Crime Watch

Vigilant parents in Newport, Louisiana have created a crime watch this Christmas to keep an eye out for Santa Claus. They say if he comes to town, he'll spend Christmas in their town jail.

"Some of us were singing 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town' and we realized it had a hidden message," explained Timothy Tumkins, the organizer of the campaign, "It's a really ominous song, if you think about it. 'You better watch out, you better not pout' and all that. We finally saw Santa for what he really is - a toy-toting thug. We think he actually steals toys from some kids when he comes to town."

According to Mr. Tumkins, families across the town have pledged to keep a roaring fire going in their chimney and Santa traps on the roof. When asked what they intend to do with Mr. Claus, should he be captured, Mr. Tumkins shrugged his shoulders and said "The same thing we do with all our criminals - lock them up with only bread and water, except for Santa we might make it milk and cookies."

North Pole Spokeself Feliz Navidad assured Holiday Tribune that Mr. Claus is not a criminal, but that he has put Mr. Tumkins on the naughty list.

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