December 5, 2010

Scientist: We Are One Day Closer to Christmas

A prominent scientist studying the passage of time today said that we are one day closer to Christmas than we were yesterday.

Melvin Potts, head scientist for the Space and Time Observatory, says he can say with "some certainty" that there are at least 24 hours less time until Christmas. This, he says, was the result of a multi-year, multi-million dollar research study. When asked why he wasted his time and taxpayer money on such a study, Mr. Potts looked up from his prepared notes, gave the reporter asking the question what can only be called a dirty look, and continued his remarks. He noted that there is no need to panic. The passage of time, he says, is "not getting any faster."

When it was pointed out that one could tell we were one day closer to Christmas simply by looking at a calendar, Mr. Potts retorted that such a thing was preposterous.One reporter at the news conference pulled out an Advent Calendar to show how she marked the passage of time until Christmas. At that time, Mr. Potts ran into the audience, grabbed the advent calendar, and skipped away singing "I'm Gettin' Nuttin' for Christmas".

In a related development, the Space and Time Observatory today announced that it is inviting in a team of psychiatrists to have a look at some of its scientists.

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