October 30, 2013

Cemetery Trick-or-Treating of Grave Concern, Parents Say

Parents in Spigot Falls, Texas today demanded that the local cemetery be developed into a strip mall so that children can no longer go trick-or-treating from grave to grave.

"It all started a few years back, when zombies and vampires came out of their graves on Halloween night to give trick-or-treaters a scare and a Milky Way," explained local historian Elma Lou Higginbottom. "The undead started giving out king-size candy bars and pretty soon all the children in the town were going there on Halloween night. Parents were okay with the whole thing until some of the children developed a taste for brains."

In addition to the strip mall petition, parents have put up a barricade around the cemetery in an effort to discourage trick-or-treating. While most parents worried about children becoming denizens of the night, other parents had different concerns. One parent remarked: "I'm not too worried about the 'children turning into undead' part. It's those king-size candy bars we should be worried about. Those things are pure evil. They are cavity causing menaces. If my kids turn into zombies, at least they'll be eating something without any high fructose corn syrup."

It is unknown whether the barricade will successfully keep out determined trick-or-treaters. Representatives from the local undead community advised they will not be commenting until sundown.

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