October 21, 2013

Zombies Demand Affordable Healthcare

Zombies across the country are furious at a recent decision to deny the undead access to the Affordable Care Act. The decision came Monday morning at a press conference in a darkened room blocks away from the White House.

"While the United States wants every one of its citizens to have access to affordable health care, we feel that extending coverage to creatures of the night would be beyond the scope of the law as currently written," explained Joseph Parminter, Undersecretary of Inhuman Services.

When asked why the law's requirement to cover pre-existing conditions would not extend to zombies and vampires, Mr. Parminter nervously replied the administration and Congress agreed that death should not be considered a pre-existing condition covered under the law. This came as a shock to most since it is widely believed that Congress includes several vampires and zombies set on sucking the life out of the nation's economy.

Following Mr. Parminter's remarks, several zombie reporters stood up and began shambling toward the podium. Mr. Parminter ran away screaming.

In response to the administration's decision, a group called the Citizen's Alliance for Zombie Equality has indicated it will develop a healthcare exchange of its own called ZombieCare. Talks with insurance companies begin on Halloween, and it is expected that any insurance plans offered will have robust coverage for blood transfusions and brain surgery.


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