November 27, 2013

Airlines Plan Turkey Dinners for Stranded Travelers

Three major airlines today announced that they will provide tasteless reheated Turkey dinners for all the passengers they intend to strand this Thanksgiving.

"We just felt that since we intend to do a horrible job getting them to their final destination, a turkey dinner was the least we could do," explained one CEO, who wished to be anonymous on the grounds due to fears that passengers might actually think kindly of an airline CEO.

However, the airlines also announced that their turkey dinners would not be free. Proposed prices ranged from $40 to $100, with the price increasing depending on how many flight cancellations a passenger had to endure. "We figured the longer they're trapped, the more desperate they'll be," said one Ancillary Revenue Manager, who wished to remain anonymous.

Passengers had mixed reactions to the news.

"It's nice that they want to give us reheated airline food turkey dinner for $40," grumbled Georg Kasinsky as he waited in 5 mile long line for check-in, "but how about they just get us to our destination?"

Kacey Smith of Brooklyn, New York, however, expressed delight. "It's perfect! I get a Thanksgiving dinner without all the family drama and I don't have to listen to Uncle Bob yelling at the television all day. All it costs me is $100 and a week of sleeping on the floor with a bunch of strangers in some random airport. Oh, and with a lumpy suitcase as a pillow. You know, thinking about it, this might just become my new Thanksgiving tradition."

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