November 1, 2013

Retailers Underwhelmed on Black And Orange Friday

Retailers hoping for a large turnout on Black and Orange Friday, the traditional Friday of shopping each year on which Halloween falls on a Thursday, reported underwhelming sales through this morning.

"It's like no one even heard of Black and Orange Friday," complained Manfred Carlito, of Manny's Motors and Lace, a retailer selling car parts and lace doilies. "The only people that came in were an old man who had programmed his GPS wrong and a young woman who had lost her bulldog."

Experts attribute the lackluster sales to post-Halloween candy hangovers and a desire to spend Hallloween weekend with family. According to Robert Snerdnzny, a researcher at Oxford College in Oxford, North Dakota, Halloween weekend is quickly replacing Thanksgiving weekend as a time to gather with family.

"Each year more stores open on Thanksgiving, getting an early start to the traditional Black Friday shopping day. As a result, families recognize that they can no longer afford to sit around eating turkey, watching football and creating memories. So instead of spending that time together on Thanksgiving weekend, many families choose to gather together on Halloween weekend. As a result, post-Halloween retail is suffering," explained Mr. Snerdnzny.

The few shoppers who ventured out on Black and Orange Friday found no sales, stores opening at regular hours, and few lines.

"It's really disappointing," complained Mindy Herwik while checking out an iPad at a local electronics store. "I didn't even get trampled by a lunatic mob when the store opened. Instead I just walked politely into the store. Where's the fun in that?"

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