December 11, 2013

All They Want For Christmas Is An XBox One

The publisher for the popular Christmas song "(All I Want for Christmas) Is My Two Front Teeth" today announced that they have updated the lyrics to more accurately reflect modern wish requests.

"Children these days don't really care about their two front teeth. They just want to play video games," explained Donald Jones, the music executive behind the idea. "So we figured we would change the words 'two front teeth' to 'an XBox One.' We feel like the change will make the song resonate better with today's kids."

The change required a massive rewrite of the lyrics. One of the more controversial changes involves the line "Sister Susie sitting on a thistle." In the new version of the song, Sister Susie is no longer sits on that thistle. Instead, Sister Susie is now "shooting off a missile."

Along with various parent groups, dentists called for a boycott of the song on the grounds that teeth received at Christmas tend to have fewer cavities than teeth that grow in normally. The music company, however, says they have addressed that issue. They say they have developed a tooth brushing video game that will teach kids how to brush properly while singing the new version of the song.

It is unknown how the change to the song will affect the North Pole's tooth-delivery agreement with dentist George Conway.

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