September 25, 2014

North Pole Pulls Plans For An iPhone In Every Stocking

Present planners at the North Pole today confirmed that they have scrapped plans to provide an iPhone to every child on earth this Christmas. The plan had been hastily put in place following the launch of the iPhone 6 and iPhone 6 Plus, but recent controversy around the launch of the new phones has made the North Pole re-think its plans.

"We were worried the phone might bend if we put it in the stocking with a bunch of candy," explained the elf in charge of the program, referring to reports that the iPhone bends when placed in pockets. "And the whole iOS 8 update brouhaha made us realize that maybe it wasn't ready for Christmas Eve prime time quite yet. So Santa cancelled his order."

Although children around the world will likely be disappointed when they hear this latest development, Santa will not leave their stockings empty this Christmas Eve. When asked what Santa will be leaving in stockings instead of the coveted phones, the elf replied that it would likely be a combination of stale candy, socks, and an apple.

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