September 17, 2014

Santa Disappointed At "Genius Grant" Snub

Sources at the North Pole confirmed rumors that Santa Claus is very upset at being passed over this year for a MacArthur Award, commonly known as a "Genius Grant." The awards, given by the John D. and Catherine T. MacArthur Foundation, went to 21 men and women, but the jolly old man who resides in an ice kingdom at the North Pole was not among them.

An anonymous source says that Santa complained to a group of head elves about never receiving the award despite "hundreds of years of bringing joy to the children of the world."

"He does have a point," says Susan Wride, an expert in grants. "If you really want to reward 'genius', then Santa Claus should be right at the top of the list. I mean, the guy has been delivering toys to millions of children around the world every Christmas Eve for centuries. To top it off, he fits that fat body down skinny little chimneys. If that's not artistry and genius at work, I don't know what is."

When asked what Santa would do with the $625,000 stipend that comes with the grant if he were to win in the future, a spokeself at the North Pole said the money would likely be spent on upgrading the sleigh, buying more Christmas music on iTunes, and leveraging big data to create a more modern naughty/nice list.

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