September 15, 2014

Santa Quiet On Issue Of Scottish Independence


Does Santa support an independent Scotland? He won't say.

Reports surfaced today that both supporters and opponents of Scottish independence have requested statements of support from the North Pole ahead of the upcoming vote. However, a spokeself at the North Pole declined to answer questions regarding Santa's position on the upcoming independence referendum in Scotland.

"The North Pole is officially neutral when it comes to political matters," said the spokeself. "Whether Scotland votes yes or no to independence, Santa will continue to bring toys to the good little lads and lassies this Christmas."

When asked why Santa was recently seen wearing a kilt and playing bagpipes, the elf replied that Santa was only trying out some different Halloween costume ideas. Further, she said, Santa's newfound penchant for haggis was in response to a dentist's advice to cut down on the cookies and had absolutely nothing to do with the upcoming vote in Scotland. 

The campaign for a yes vote expressed disappointment in the news. "We are, of course, disappointed that Santa will not give his opinion. We hope he will reconsider before the vote."

The Better Together campaign also asked Santa to re-think his stated neutrality. "Santa has long enjoyed the benefits of the union," said a spokesperson. "We think that if he considers how independence might affect his operations, he will reconsider."

Both campaigns also expressed a wish for Santa Claus to put the leaders of the opposite side on the naughty list.

[Editor's note: This article has been updated to include reaction from the two campaigns.]

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