October 20, 2014

Ghosts Strike, Demand Higher Pay

Ghosts around the country are joining the picket line just before Halloween as they demand more pay for their hauntings. Although ghosts technically have no employers, spokesghosts for the striking phantasms are asking for haunted house owners to give the ghosts some form of remuneration for their services and improve working conditions.

"Ghosts have to eat too, you know," says famous ghost hunter and self-proclaimed "Detective In Specter" Don Monroe. "Well, technically they don't, but they have a whole economy on the other side and ghosts need money, since as everyone knows you can't take it with you when you die."

The fed-up phantoms aren't content with just an increase in pay, however. They also want better working conditions. The ghosts complain that 90% of haunted houses are run down and falling apart. A letter from the Ghostal Union board to the Haunted Home Owners Association (HHOA) detailed a list of desired improvements, including clearing out cobwebs, fixing old rusty hinges, and making sure that any old candles left burning on the table are scented.

It's unlikely that the HHOA board will give in to the ghosts' demands. A spokeswoman for the HHOA said that ghosts get to live in haunted houses rent free and get to keep 75% of all smartphones left behind by fleeing tourists, so any further demands are excessive. She also pointed out that the ghosts are unreliable and often don't show up for work at all. When they do show up, they often move and break furniture during the night.

Until ghosts show they can be relied on to haunt responsibly, the spokeswoman says her Association is unwilling to address their demands. Ghosts, she says, will just have to "grim and bear it."

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