October 13, 2014

Halloween Survey Says Politicians Scary, People Prefer Zombies

A recent survey of politicians across the country found that people thought politicians should not dress up for Halloween this year. According to the results, 98% of survey respondents said that politicians were scary enough as it was and so no costume was needed.

"Those politicians, man, they are scary," said Gwendolyn Ferrerra, of Washington, D.C. "We have them here year round, and most people in D.C. are scared to go out at night because they're afraid some Senator might pop out from the shadows and ask for a donation."

When asked if they would prefer a zombie or a politician to show up at their door, those surveyed overwhelmingly picked the zombie. One respondent said, "Sure, them zombies will eat my brains, but the politicians will turn my brain to mush, then ask me for money and my vote. It's inhumane. At least the zombies are honest about their intentions."

In a related development, both parties today released guidance for politicians wishing to go trick-or-treating. Included in the guidance is the recommended door greeting, guaranteed to strike fear in the heart of anyone who answers the door: "Trick or treat. I'm ___________, and I approve this message."

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