October 1, 2014

Santa Depressed To Realize All His Friends Are Elves

Anonymous sources say that Santa Claus has fallen into a deep depression after signing up for various social networks and realizing as he added friends that all his friends are elves and reindeer.

According to the source, Mr. Claus was heard to say "Hundreds of years of delivering toys and what does it get me? Not a single invitation to a barbecue or a tailgate party. Just a whole bunch of toy-obsessed elf friends."

Experts were surprised that Mr. Claus had not realized his social situation before now.

"Most of us had assumed that Santa had realized he only had elf friends and was using the whole toy gifting thing as a way to try to get actual human beings to like him," said Horatio Gehry, a psychologist specializing in social disorders. "We really should have seen it though. He obviously has difficulties interacting with people. I mean, look at everything he does to avoid being seen by anyone. The guy delivers his toys at night, enters houses through the chimney instead of the front door, and lives in a desolate ice kingdom at the North Pole."

Spokeselves at the North Pole did not return phone calls asking for comment.

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