December 13, 2016

Electoral College Considers Voting For Santa Claus

In a new twist to the continuing election drama surrounding President-Elect Trump, nearly two hundred electors from the Electoral College have released a letter announcing their intention to vote for Santa Claus when they cast their ballots.

Electoral College Ballot for Santa Claus


"We feel like the only way forward to unite the country is to cast our votes for Mr. Claus," a spokesman for the electors said in a statement. "Everybody loves Santa Claus. Let's face it. Not everyone loves the other choices."

Experts were quick to point out the difficulties in the proposed action.

"Santa is not a natural born citizen of the United States and he hasn't resided here for 14 years," explained Reid Thomson, a constitutional scholar and perennial naughty list lawyer. "Those are requirements to be president."

The spokesman for the group, which is calling itself the Jolly Electors, said they aren't worried by the constitutional challenges.

"Santa has been around so long, no one can say with certainty where he was born. It could have been Duluth for all we know. And we've all heard about how he lives at the North Pole. There's a North Pole, Alaska. Who says that's not his hometown? We're going on the assumption that he resides there."

Already, supporters of Mr. Trump are crying foul. One supporter called Santa Claus a fat has-been and declared that Santa has no right to take away Mr. Trump's plans to put coal in everyone's stocking for the next four years.

It's not known what Mr. Claus would set as policy should the electors be successful. Experts expect, however, that he would be in favor of a global trade agreement on toy exports and steps to curb global warming before the North Pole melts.

The North Pole did not respond to Holiday Tribune's requests for comments.

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